Move Beyond All the Artisanal Fromage: French Crisps Represent Utterly Depraved.
I recently spent time in the French countryside, which was displaying impeccable manners. Tasteful, twinkling lights, outdoor market stands overflowing with remarkably pristine fruits and veggies, and a vast array of cheeses that could line every mile of the Chunnel with dairy fat. Heaping dishes of glistening shellfish on ice visible behind misty restaurant glass. Upon seeing a long but orderly procession of well-dressed citizens retrieving their handmade yule logs, I thought, disloyally, that my home town, York, which becomes a modern reimagining of a scene of decadence at this time of year featuring vape pens in festive pie flavours and BuzzBallz, would do well to absorb some pointers.
The Sophisticated Front
Yet all this “art de vivre” business is just an elegant facade – France is as prey to its lowest desires as the rest of us. Just go into a local *supermarché* to witness it. The crisp aisle stands as a monument to decadence, lined with flavours including Roquefort, chickpea fritter, beer-braised beef and savory dairy fat profiles. Who eats chips that taste of butter? It brings to mind something from the notorious US state fairs where they deep fry sticks of butter. A certain comedian recently claimed they’re the best crisps she’s ever tasted, though she has clearly been influenced by some kind of Breton brainwashing – her formative years were in *Bretagne*.
International Unregulation
It is widely understood the world of potato chip seasoning internationally is as lawless and unregulated as big tech. Nobody seems willing to permit the tuber to taste of itself, adorned only rightly by a simple, respectful sprinkle of sodium. We have a checkered past when it comes to snack tastes across Britain, particularly during the festive period. Recently, let us not forget, introduced gingerbread Doritos and limited-edition Beef Wellington Walkers. And who could forget that time a famous high-street chain believed “prosecco and winter berry” was an appealing flavour for a savoury snack? I had higher hopes of the land of Escoffier.
Where does it end? Goose liver potato chips? Choux pastry flavour? Tobacco-flavoured chips? I should stop, lest I provide inspiration.
