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I'm celebrating three months of sobriety and seeking guidance on supporting my 11-year-old autistic son. With rehab and support groups, I've achieved this milestone, although my drinking intensified over the past two years. Previously, I was sober for the initial six years of his life.

The Impact of Previous Struggles

In the final stages, my drinking was non-stop, and my son witnessed me unstable and deeply unhappy. He developed a sense of responsibility, thinking he was the sole person who could stop me from drinking by taking away bottles. I feel deeply regretful about this. I've repeatedly told him that only I can control my actions.

He stayed with his father for a few months—we separated five years ago, but his father is helpful of my sobriety. He returned back in with me when he began secondary school in September. Trust between us is slowly growing as he sees that I am not drinking and devoting all my effort into getting better.

Current Challenges and Emotions

He remains overly watchful and worried about my safety. This means, he is terribly controlling of my movements—in part due to anxiety about my past habits, but also because he is on the spectrum and anxious about anything unpredictable. I am working on self-assurance and boundaries; it's tempting to yield to his demands, but that doesn't feel right as a caregiver. It's challenging as I also feel enormously guilty.

I reached out to family support while in rehab, and we are waiting for assistance for my son from nearby addiction services. Meanwhile, I feel quite uncertain about how to talk with him. I don't want to make him upset, but I also wish not to ignore the past. In what way do we move forward?

Professional Advice on Healing

Young ones require a sense of secure, especially after chaotic periods when they were uncertain if their caregiver could protect them secure. They may be concerned about bringing up these issues now. Kids often believe things are their fault—blaming themselves instead of their parents, as the other option feels too threatening. Being autistic can intensify these emotions.

People in the midst of addiction often make promises they might not be able to fulfill. This makes it difficult for family members to determine what to believe.

It is common for those in active addiction to make assurances they may not uphold. As a result, family may struggle to challenging to trust them. Along with boundaries, it's really important to be consistent and show your son that things are better, rather than just saying him.

Practical Steps for Dialogue and Support

Concentrate on him adjusting at school and establish a solid schedule. Then, present the idea that any topic is off the discussion table—if that is indeed the case. Mealtimes can be a good time to talk, as can parallel activities like strolling or driving, since they involve less eye contact, which individuals find overwhelming. Perhaps there's an hobby you and your son like sharing? Avoid thinking "we need to discuss," but look for chances for dialogue and see if they happen. Also, consider your son's favored method of expressing himself—it might not be speaking; it could be through writing, or a combination of both.

It is essential for him to understand that his refuge apart from home might be with his dad. You should not take it personally if he chooses to go there sometimes. This isn't a sign you've done poorly—this is a process that isn't straightforward.

Separating Personal Needs from His Requirements

It's vital to separate your needs from your son's. Ensure you're not making him feel better to ease your own guilt—for your own relief—because you can't do that via your son. You can concentrate more effectively on what he requires if you have good support yourself.

You are making really well. Keep going.